Where do I begin, my love?

Starting the things I haven't said enough of.

Well, it's been forever since I've blogged. The first month of summer has been...hard. I mean, I loved it. I've gotten to see my mom and just chill for the first time in ages. I also had some visits from some great people. I just feel like this has been a real eye opener for me.

Things I realized about myself:

1. I hate being alone.

2. I hate feeling lazy.

3. I love dancing in my bathroom wearing next to nothing.

4. I miss performing.

5. I've fallen in love with music again.

6. Did I mention I hate being alone?

I feel like I've kind of lost a sense of myself. I just need to reconnect with myself, my friends, my family, my boyfriend. I think when I'm all by myself, I tend to become semi-morose. Haha. But I'm not sad, far from it. I'm so happy, just nostolgic. I really appreciate my life and everyone in it. I feel like I don't tell people how much I appreciate them enough. And I should. Or how much I miss them when they aren't here. Which I do, a whole lot.

I've also realize that I hate telling people what I don't like that they do or how it makes me feel. I don't know why but I can never bring myself to just straight up tell someone when they do something that bothers me. I can honestly say that I think if I tell them they bother me, they're gonna just yell in my face. Haha. Stupid, I know but it's true. Or that they're just gonna not like me anymore. Bah. That also scares me. People just up and leaving. Sounds weird coming from the girl who travel across the country away from everyone she knew. But it really does scare me.

I also have started to finally forgive the two people that have been the bane of my existance for the past 5+ years. It's just not worth it. Yeah, they both hurt me in ways that they will never really know but I'm kind of really done with it. And I'm glad. :)

I got bit by the creative fairy tonight. Hence the fact that it's 3:30 and I'm still awake and buzzing. I'm going to finally finish my Disneyland scrapbook this week. I ordered the rest of the pictures and planned out the last pages. I'm so happy to finally have a finished product but I'm sad because I've been working on it for years. It just holds such great memories!

But my BEST friend in the entire world, my other half, my soulmate will be here in 3 days. I can't even wait. I've missed her so much. I know that we've needed to have a one-on-one conversation for like 6 months! And I can't wait. We both need it, badly. A conversation that will go on for hours, the kind that start at 4 in the afternoon and don't end until you finally drift of mid-word at 5 in the morning.

But I love my life, my friends, my boyfriend, my family, my future, everything. It's all going to turn out great.

I miss ya'll in my little WMU blogging circle. :)

"I don't want to live. I want to love first and live incidentally."